A self-help post to myself

Things with the Actor are done. I'm a little cloudy on whether he was seeing someone else and pushed me away, or whether he realized we were getting too close and pushed me away, but it doesn't matter all that much. I know that I was wasting my time anyway. It's all good and fun to have a summer vacation fling, or even every so often that "I just need to get laid so get me to the Bar, stat" fling, but a fling+emotions+a cross-country move=disaster waiting to happen.

Either way, it's focus time. I am done with dating, at least momentarily. It occurred to me after things with The Actor abruptly ended that I have been flitting from one person to the next with no real clue of what I'm looking for in my own life or where I'm going. I might be able to tell you some qualities that I want in a man, but a guy not being in possession of those qualities doesn't usually stop me from "giving someone a chance."

You know what, I realize this is my fault. On Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Esteem comes after Love/Belonging. So technically, I'm right to keep being stuck on trying to find love before I worry about personal/professional success. But here's the Catch 22: men want a woman who already has confidence in herself and passion for something other than him, i.e. she has reached success on the "Esteem" level. I am aware that I have somewhat confused where "love" is supposed to be on these levels and maybe I've put "love" up there with "Esteem" and am sort of basing some of my measure of success on that level with how well I am doing in the dating world. I have dated a good 20 guys since last August when I broke up with the ex (and no, I didn't sleep with most of them, I'll have you know), and I need a break.

Not good. Basically I think I need to work on myself a little. I am going out with four different groups of people the next four nights in a row, and there is not one romantic prospect in sight. I have an interview in D.C. at the end of next week that I am excited and nervous and scared about. I am going to surround myself with people who like, love, or at least are mildly amused by me until I get out of this hellhole that is my job and do more than wait to be swept off my feet by the next Average Joe that walks around the corner. So I've composed a list of things I need to work on for ME, because I think I , like most women, focus A LOT on pleasing other people:

1.) Learn to breathe and take things one day at a time. You are not under as much pressure as you think you are.

2.) Wait for the right job. You do have a good skill set, charming personality, flexibility, and loyalty, and you CAN hold out until you find something fabulous.

3.) On that note, stop doubting yourself, period. If your friends drop off the earth for a few days they still care about you, they're just dealing with their own stuff.

4.) You are a good catch. You are smart, educated, pretty, funny, have a good job and are independent (well, mostly) and know how to have fun. You are leaps and bounds ahead of most people your age.

5.) Don't settle for some jerk who lives at home, is unemployed, is untrustworthy, leaves you hanging, or makes you feel like you have to chase him for his attention.

6.) Spend less time out at the bars. Feeling like shit the next day after a wild night that you can't remember that well is not helping your career, your body, or your love life. You'll save money, too.

So that's a pretty good list for now. I feel better already.