Why is it that we are so utterly inept at figuring other people out? I used to think I was a good judge of character, and also at reading signals. Turns out I suck at both.
Drummer Boy never called. Neither did the Writer. Within 24 hours both of them had totally disappeared out of my world. It's a concept that is hard to get used to as a single person. When you are coupled up, weeks and months can coast by without much change. You might fight more, or less, or have sex more, or less, but the other person is a constant. Your world is not constantly shifting from one week to the next. I feel like I'm in middle school again, where "going out" long-term meant more than two weeks of awkward french kisses and attempted groping.
On the other hand, I'm surprised that I don't care that much about either one disappearing, except for as it relates to my own self image. I guess a great date does not a true connection make. I thought that there had been chemistry between Drummer boy and I, but I also thought two martinis and two mixed drinks was a good idea for a first date.
I need sooo much work.
I did hear from Biker Boy, the source of all my single angst and target of the rant letter last week. I had deleted him from my phone, and picked up without recognizing the number when he called yesterday.
Who am I kidding? God I even want to lie about my pathetic-ness to my blog. I knew the number by heart. We had a real conversation, in which he revealed not being about to get me out of his head (true for me as well) and of course he said lots of nice things and wanted to get together and you know what? It felt really good. And I may be blogging in a week or day about how he screwed me over yet again, but part of me really wants to believe that he is a good person who truly wants to be with me but is just so fucked up and complicated and damaged that it is close to impossible for him to just let go and trust me.
But even if that's true, is that what I want? A fixer-upper? Despite all the baggage and broken promises and early drama I still feel a connection to this person that prevents him from leaving my thoughts. Am I self-destructive? No. My roommate said that the problem is that I want to believe in the good in everyone, that I have such a good heart that I want to reach out and help him. But I know that's not my job. Everyone doesn't always have it together, and part of being in a relationship is knowing you can lean on another without fear they will pull out the chair from under you. I'm not sure if I'll ever be there with Biker Boy. I'm not sure if he'll ever have it together, and I'm not sure if I'M even ready for that kind of trust and self-disclosure.
I know I'm supposed to have fun with not being sure. Tell me when that part is supposed to start.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Friday, December 8, 2006
The usual heart and head battle
It’s taking everything in my brain right now not to pick up the phone and call and say “Yes! I miss you too!” but I have to keep telling myself that it is all bullshit. Maybe he doesn’t hurt me maliciously, but he certainly hurts me through his carelessness and lack of concern for anyone but himself. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t open up to him and have him disappear again and I have told him this.
Why do some people seem to love drama? I mean, I don’t even really know him. We talked on the phone a lot, hung out very little (like 4 times in the last month and a half). At the same time, I know I felt (and I’m pretty sure he felt) something very special between us, some kind of connection that kept sending me back for more and making me want him to get it together so that we could actually have something real. But he just kept fucking it up, and I get this random text message a week after the last time we spoke that says “I miss you.”
When we spoke last it’s because I sent him a last-ditch effort text saying “I miss you and I wish I didn’t because you have hurt me already and will continue to do so.” And then he called and we talked and I asked him if he still wanted me to go to New York with him that upcoming weekend. He told me he might have lung cancer and had to go to the Doctor the next week, and said we would talk about NY later. I asked him to come over after he was done with his friends and he didn’t. Instead, he texted me at 3:30 a.m. and I chided him for driving home drunk. I called him the next day to talk about New York. He didn’t answer and never called me back.
I was on my way to forgetting him when I got this text. Does it tear me up because I believe he’s capable of so much more? Is he a good guy who is scared of getting too close? Is he the most manipulative and cold-hearted jerk-off I’ve ever dated? Or is he just so self-involved he can’t step back and see that this is hurting me and it would be better if he just went away?
I just don’t understand why I am so much more vulnerable to him than to the other guys that I have dated. Maybe because he was so honest at first and it seemed like he wasn’t looking for bullshit.
I need to live in a self-imposed drama free zone right now. But the truth is that I do miss him. I just have to realize that our instant intimacy couldn’t have been real. It’s just something we both desperately wanted.
I wish Drummer Boy would call right now. Also, it doesn't help that I was blown off by the Writer last night.
Why do some people seem to love drama? I mean, I don’t even really know him. We talked on the phone a lot, hung out very little (like 4 times in the last month and a half). At the same time, I know I felt (and I’m pretty sure he felt) something very special between us, some kind of connection that kept sending me back for more and making me want him to get it together so that we could actually have something real. But he just kept fucking it up, and I get this random text message a week after the last time we spoke that says “I miss you.”
When we spoke last it’s because I sent him a last-ditch effort text saying “I miss you and I wish I didn’t because you have hurt me already and will continue to do so.” And then he called and we talked and I asked him if he still wanted me to go to New York with him that upcoming weekend. He told me he might have lung cancer and had to go to the Doctor the next week, and said we would talk about NY later. I asked him to come over after he was done with his friends and he didn’t. Instead, he texted me at 3:30 a.m. and I chided him for driving home drunk. I called him the next day to talk about New York. He didn’t answer and never called me back.
I was on my way to forgetting him when I got this text. Does it tear me up because I believe he’s capable of so much more? Is he a good guy who is scared of getting too close? Is he the most manipulative and cold-hearted jerk-off I’ve ever dated? Or is he just so self-involved he can’t step back and see that this is hurting me and it would be better if he just went away?
I just don’t understand why I am so much more vulnerable to him than to the other guys that I have dated. Maybe because he was so honest at first and it seemed like he wasn’t looking for bullshit.
I need to live in a self-imposed drama free zone right now. But the truth is that I do miss him. I just have to realize that our instant intimacy couldn’t have been real. It’s just something we both desperately wanted.
I wish Drummer Boy would call right now. Also, it doesn't help that I was blown off by the Writer last night.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.
I'm trying not to get my hopes up. For a disillusioned dater like myself, even one good date can mean everything or nothing, and I'm honestly feeling like it's about damn time I had some good karma thrown my way. But allow me to back up for just a minute....
Things have been ok with the Writer. He was the last "promising guy" on the horizon, and I have to say he's doing ok so far. Although it's sort of hard to judge, since I have such low expectations at this point for men (sounds bitter and jaded, but I promise it gets better). First of all, he has a nasty drunk dialing habit. Never fails, I've gotten calls at least 4 times from him after midnight. Also, he can carry on a conversation, but I'm not sure he talks about the kind of things I want to talk about.
For instance, last week, him, me and my roomate went out for dinner and drinks at this swanky Irish pub (and if you think that's an oxymoron, then you are right). I had warned my roomate NOT to talk about football with him, as they are both huge fans, but most of the night turned into my education on the merits of the game, and how can I NOT like it, and blah blah blah. Also, he didn't pay. And he hasn't paid, ever. Except for one drink, one time, last weekend, when I picked him up drunk at 1:30 from the bar where he works (he spends an inordinate amount of time at this place) and I had to ask. Wow he sounds SO great on paper.
On the other hand, he is witty, affectionate, ambitious, a free spirit, kind, intelligent, and actually apologizes for the drunk dials. So he has possibility...I'm just think I've found someone who falls into the "not in the same place in life as me" category. He's still in school and parties too much, and all the witticisms in the world can't make up for not being ready for something more.
Now, I'm probably one of the most liberal people you could meet, so I believe in a woman taking care of herself, paving her own way, and not depending on a man for financial security. It's not that I can't afford to buy myself a drink. Somewhere inside my liberated woman brain exists a girl who's just crying out for a Southern gentleman. Someone who opens doors, kisses my hand, insists on paying for dinner, and buys me flowers for occasions other than deaths or apologies. The stuff romantic comedies are made of...
Ok ok so this is what I'm really excited about: Drummer Boy. I worked with him long long ago at my very first job and I had the BIGGEST crush on him. I even took him to homecoming sophmore year. Unfortunately, the feeling was not mutual, or he just had no cajones back then. I lured him back after the dance to my parent's basement, where I was hoping for a heavy makeout session. Alas, said romance never occured, and shortly after Drummer Boy went away, never to be seen again.
Until.....right before Thanksgiving. The same night I met the Writer I recognized Drummer Boy in the crowd. We chatted, I gave him my number, and promptly forgot that I had even run into him until he called a couple of days later. The conversation was slightly awkward, to say the least. What do you talk about with someone you used to know, have nothing and no one in common with anymore, and you might be interested in? You can't talk about relationships, obviously. On the phone at least, you can't just start from scratch. You have to rely on shared connections, of which we had very few. I told him to call me sometime but it had been two weeks last night and not a text or call in sight.
I had a big presentation at work yesterday, and I HATE speaking in public. Wired after my presentation, I went home feeling a lot braver than I usually do without alcohol, and I decided to call him. I figured, either way at least I'll know I have cajones of my own. We agreed to meet up for a drink after he got off of work at 8. I was in!
I have to say I was a lot more nervous about this date than I've been in awhile. Would I be able to reconcile our awkward past? Would our conversation overcome the aforementioned lack of topics? Would he be taller? (too drunk to notice the other week) I tried to have as few expectations as possible. I can't go down that frustrating road again...
But surprise, surprise. It was the ALMOST PERFECT first date. No awkward moments. Great conversation. Mutual interests, and mutual interest in each other. He asked me questions about myself. He made me laugh and called me sexy. He wasn't taller, but he was more confident and still as cute as I remembered. He asked me out for Sunday before the date was even over and he paid for the whole bill. He even walked me to my car, where he gave me a hug. I wish he had tried to kiss me though. Dammit I've been waiting seven years for that kiss! I still need to be cautious though, but part of me just wants to just fall in and enjoy it.
I think it should be against the rules to repeat a crush.
Things have been ok with the Writer. He was the last "promising guy" on the horizon, and I have to say he's doing ok so far. Although it's sort of hard to judge, since I have such low expectations at this point for men (sounds bitter and jaded, but I promise it gets better). First of all, he has a nasty drunk dialing habit. Never fails, I've gotten calls at least 4 times from him after midnight. Also, he can carry on a conversation, but I'm not sure he talks about the kind of things I want to talk about.
For instance, last week, him, me and my roomate went out for dinner and drinks at this swanky Irish pub (and if you think that's an oxymoron, then you are right). I had warned my roomate NOT to talk about football with him, as they are both huge fans, but most of the night turned into my education on the merits of the game, and how can I NOT like it, and blah blah blah. Also, he didn't pay. And he hasn't paid, ever. Except for one drink, one time, last weekend, when I picked him up drunk at 1:30 from the bar where he works (he spends an inordinate amount of time at this place) and I had to ask. Wow he sounds SO great on paper.
On the other hand, he is witty, affectionate, ambitious, a free spirit, kind, intelligent, and actually apologizes for the drunk dials. So he has possibility...I'm just think I've found someone who falls into the "not in the same place in life as me" category. He's still in school and parties too much, and all the witticisms in the world can't make up for not being ready for something more.
Now, I'm probably one of the most liberal people you could meet, so I believe in a woman taking care of herself, paving her own way, and not depending on a man for financial security. It's not that I can't afford to buy myself a drink. Somewhere inside my liberated woman brain exists a girl who's just crying out for a Southern gentleman. Someone who opens doors, kisses my hand, insists on paying for dinner, and buys me flowers for occasions other than deaths or apologies. The stuff romantic comedies are made of...
Ok ok so this is what I'm really excited about: Drummer Boy. I worked with him long long ago at my very first job and I had the BIGGEST crush on him. I even took him to homecoming sophmore year. Unfortunately, the feeling was not mutual, or he just had no cajones back then. I lured him back after the dance to my parent's basement, where I was hoping for a heavy makeout session. Alas, said romance never occured, and shortly after Drummer Boy went away, never to be seen again.
Until.....right before Thanksgiving. The same night I met the Writer I recognized Drummer Boy in the crowd. We chatted, I gave him my number, and promptly forgot that I had even run into him until he called a couple of days later. The conversation was slightly awkward, to say the least. What do you talk about with someone you used to know, have nothing and no one in common with anymore, and you might be interested in? You can't talk about relationships, obviously. On the phone at least, you can't just start from scratch. You have to rely on shared connections, of which we had very few. I told him to call me sometime but it had been two weeks last night and not a text or call in sight.
I had a big presentation at work yesterday, and I HATE speaking in public. Wired after my presentation, I went home feeling a lot braver than I usually do without alcohol, and I decided to call him. I figured, either way at least I'll know I have cajones of my own. We agreed to meet up for a drink after he got off of work at 8. I was in!
I have to say I was a lot more nervous about this date than I've been in awhile. Would I be able to reconcile our awkward past? Would our conversation overcome the aforementioned lack of topics? Would he be taller? (too drunk to notice the other week) I tried to have as few expectations as possible. I can't go down that frustrating road again...
But surprise, surprise. It was the ALMOST PERFECT first date. No awkward moments. Great conversation. Mutual interests, and mutual interest in each other. He asked me questions about myself. He made me laugh and called me sexy. He wasn't taller, but he was more confident and still as cute as I remembered. He asked me out for Sunday before the date was even over and he paid for the whole bill. He even walked me to my car, where he gave me a hug. I wish he had tried to kiss me though. Dammit I've been waiting seven years for that kiss! I still need to be cautious though, but part of me just wants to just fall in and enjoy it.
I think it should be against the rules to repeat a crush.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Oh what tangled webs we weave
I'm not sure how I became such an idiot at dating. Probably it began with my first serious boyfriend, who after 6 months of heated, unrequited lust I finally had sex with, after which he left for the military. We exchanged love letters for months, but somehow my 16-year old self knew there was more out there than him.
Or not. My next boyfriend, a bit of a control freak, lasted through one semester of college. He was too insecure, and I needed to get out there and explore. Lo and behold, I didn't find that love of my life at a University where anyone could literally go out any day of the week and find a different sexual conquest. Being a little insecure myself, I eventually went back to the insecure boy, who in an ironic twist of fate was eager to sow his wild oats (while I cooked and cleaned and generally played Mommy). I believe this relationship has taught me to seek the company of sexually aggressive and emotionally unavailable men. Or something like that.
So now I'm on my own again. And if I thought dating was tricky in college, it's much harder in the "real world." For starters, where does one meet people? Most of my friends are coupled up, I don't work in a hip, cool place where I'd be likely to run into that Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike I'm searching for, and I refuse to attend church just to land a man (pretty sure God wouldn't like that too much). So I'm resigned to meeting single guys at the bar. I'm sure you can sense the potential problems with this particular strategy:
a.) I'm not myself, just some crazy drunk girl who tends to lose things
b.) They are not themselves, just horny drunk guys trying their best to get laid
We don't have a shot in hell.
Mostly I meet students from the local University, smart (or not so smart) artsy types who always play guitar and may or may not call. But I am dating one guy in particular who is driving me absolutely insane. And of course, it's all my fault because I let the extenuating circumstances from his life (baggage from a divorce, a busy life, a child) affect how I view his increasingly bad behavior.
The night before last I was stood up again for the second or third time by Biker Boy (motorcycle, not a bike bike). We were supposed to go to dinner according to our 2:30 plans. 6:30 rolls around, I'm hungry so I call and leave a message, 7:00 he calls back and delays because "he has to go get an X-mas tree for his son." Plans or not, how am I supposed to compete with that? He says give him an hour, my phone finally rings at 11:30. I may have turned into super bitch at this point, but who could blame me?
Accountability is very important to me. He called me yesterday, blew up my phone in fact. He was near my house and wanted to come over and pick me up and take me out and "have a talk." I was out though, and although his remorse sounded genuine when I called him this morning claiming to be free to talk tonight he has to pick up his son, of course. Maybe I'm just not good at sharing, but I feel like you should see someone you're dating more than once every three weeks, extenuating circumstances notwithstanding. Who knows? We'll see how our plans on Thursday work out, especially as I'm meeting a friend for martinis beforehand.
There is one kinda promising guy on the horizon though. Smart, student, independent, optimistic, sarcastic, funny, a little too sexually aggressive (how can I get him to ease up and be a little gentle??? because seriously I'm getting hickeys, and past the ninth grade that's a mark of trash), very cute. Doesn't seem like I can count on him for the long term because he is still in school and a very adventurous guy. I can see him going places for sure, but not with someone else hanging on. Although he has been remarkably attentive these last few days, so who knows?
It amazes me how hard it is to even find one guy who's good on paper to go out with, but again I think it's the bar scene. And also I think the "good" guys (good looking good job good family good personality) know they are few and far between, so they can go for girls far more beautiful than me and easily get them. Not that I'm unattractive, far from it, but I'm nowhere close to 100 girls I see everyday about town.
This post is too chaotic. I just pray I don't settle for someone. After all if I wanted to settle for mediocrity and rudeness I could have stayed and played house with my ex.
Or not. My next boyfriend, a bit of a control freak, lasted through one semester of college. He was too insecure, and I needed to get out there and explore. Lo and behold, I didn't find that love of my life at a University where anyone could literally go out any day of the week and find a different sexual conquest. Being a little insecure myself, I eventually went back to the insecure boy, who in an ironic twist of fate was eager to sow his wild oats (while I cooked and cleaned and generally played Mommy). I believe this relationship has taught me to seek the company of sexually aggressive and emotionally unavailable men. Or something like that.
So now I'm on my own again. And if I thought dating was tricky in college, it's much harder in the "real world." For starters, where does one meet people? Most of my friends are coupled up, I don't work in a hip, cool place where I'd be likely to run into that Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike I'm searching for, and I refuse to attend church just to land a man (pretty sure God wouldn't like that too much). So I'm resigned to meeting single guys at the bar. I'm sure you can sense the potential problems with this particular strategy:
a.) I'm not myself, just some crazy drunk girl who tends to lose things
b.) They are not themselves, just horny drunk guys trying their best to get laid
We don't have a shot in hell.
Mostly I meet students from the local University, smart (or not so smart) artsy types who always play guitar and may or may not call. But I am dating one guy in particular who is driving me absolutely insane. And of course, it's all my fault because I let the extenuating circumstances from his life (baggage from a divorce, a busy life, a child) affect how I view his increasingly bad behavior.
The night before last I was stood up again for the second or third time by Biker Boy (motorcycle, not a bike bike). We were supposed to go to dinner according to our 2:30 plans. 6:30 rolls around, I'm hungry so I call and leave a message, 7:00 he calls back and delays because "he has to go get an X-mas tree for his son." Plans or not, how am I supposed to compete with that? He says give him an hour, my phone finally rings at 11:30. I may have turned into super bitch at this point, but who could blame me?
Accountability is very important to me. He called me yesterday, blew up my phone in fact. He was near my house and wanted to come over and pick me up and take me out and "have a talk." I was out though, and although his remorse sounded genuine when I called him this morning claiming to be free to talk tonight he has to pick up his son, of course. Maybe I'm just not good at sharing, but I feel like you should see someone you're dating more than once every three weeks, extenuating circumstances notwithstanding. Who knows? We'll see how our plans on Thursday work out, especially as I'm meeting a friend for martinis beforehand.
There is one kinda promising guy on the horizon though. Smart, student, independent, optimistic, sarcastic, funny, a little too sexually aggressive (how can I get him to ease up and be a little gentle??? because seriously I'm getting hickeys, and past the ninth grade that's a mark of trash), very cute. Doesn't seem like I can count on him for the long term because he is still in school and a very adventurous guy. I can see him going places for sure, but not with someone else hanging on. Although he has been remarkably attentive these last few days, so who knows?
It amazes me how hard it is to even find one guy who's good on paper to go out with, but again I think it's the bar scene. And also I think the "good" guys (good looking good job good family good personality) know they are few and far between, so they can go for girls far more beautiful than me and easily get them. Not that I'm unattractive, far from it, but I'm nowhere close to 100 girls I see everyday about town.
This post is too chaotic. I just pray I don't settle for someone. After all if I wanted to settle for mediocrity and rudeness I could have stayed and played house with my ex.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Boxed Wine and Missed Connections
It's always bad when you're blogging at work just to stay awake. This is only my second post and already I know enough to know that.
I like to think of myself as a cynic most of the time, although that doesn't stop me from doing very stupid things when it comes to dating and love, most of which involve desperately trying to hold onto something that doesn't make me remotely satisfied or happy. I think this is probably one of those Daddy complexes; or, it could just be because I hate to fail at anything.
The weird thing is that I don't even have to really like a guy all that much, or see us together in the future, I just want him to want me and do all those things that guys do in Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movies. If this ever does actually happen one day I'll probably reject him, but I like to think I'll be able to appreciate this imaginary guy, not write him off as totally desperate. BUT, this is highly unlikely. All guys who approach me recently either want a one-night-stand or they're weird and creepy.
Example A: While leaving my friend's Redneck Wine Tasting Theme Party last Saturday, I was congratulating myself on not giving my phone number to anyone weird, not trying to take someone home, and not acting like too much of an ass in general, considering my copious consumption of Franzia.
Can I deviate from topic for a minute? What is with Franzia? I mean, I can usually drink like a bottle, bottle and a half of decent wine and be totally smashed. I can literally drink 5 drinking glasses full of Franzia and still be somewhat coherent. In college my roomates and I would kill a box of that stuff every 2 days, just for pregaming with! I don't know why we didn't just pony up and buy the good (i.e. mediocre stuff).
Ok back to it: I followed my roomate home, only a few houses down, and planned on a grilled cheese sandwich and an early bedtime.
So I'm out on my porch, smoking the last of too many cigarettes and talking on the phone, when two boys from the party show up to steal our pumpkin and smash it. Having two, I generously relented. When they came back for the second one, it was time for a brawl (we were in redneck mode, mind you). So roomate gets into a knock-down dragout with one of the boys until a dog-poop incident forces us all inside. For future reference, wrestling in a dark yard where a dog lives is never smart.
Either way, roomate doesn't last long and staggers off to bed still wearing her "Just a Good-Ol-Boy" hat. Left with two boys in the room, one with dog poop on his pants, I figure I can just chill for a few minutes and then go to bed and they will just boogie away down the street. Not that easy, apparently. Our friend with the attractive jean stain leaves, and I'm stuck with this weird guy who by the way I DID NOT TALK TO at the party. Now I get it, it's closing time and everybody wants somebody sometimes. But did I really come off as that slutty going home by myself? After an eternity of weirdness I tell guy I'm going to bed, to which I get a look with: "and me too, right?" written all over it.
WRONG. This is just all wrong. He asks for my number and at this point I'm just like: get out of my house!!! so I give it to him. Now keep in mind that I give my number out pretty frequently, with infrequent responses, sorta like a direct mail campaign. But go figure the one time I give it out without even hoping the guy will call he's like clockwork in 2 days.
No chemistry=he will call. And like any good hypocrite, I will not answer.
So my latest thing is reading those "Missed Connections" on Craigslist, and I think if I ever showed up on one I would go crazy and print it out and frame it. What a way to bring romance back to the internet, although most of the postings go a little like this:
"Saw you in line at the grocery store. You had on the acid wash jeans and pink sweater. You rock my world. I was the guy in the blue sweater with brown hair. I would drink your bathwater. "
Ok maybe that's not so romantic, but at least there's a little effort. Besides, "hey, I'm here at your house and you're drunk, isn't that good enough for you?" It's a step beyond the leering most of us ladies encounter on a daily basis. And most people don't even know about craigslist, but I'm still not giving up hope. Stranger things have happened.
I like to think of myself as a cynic most of the time, although that doesn't stop me from doing very stupid things when it comes to dating and love, most of which involve desperately trying to hold onto something that doesn't make me remotely satisfied or happy. I think this is probably one of those Daddy complexes; or, it could just be because I hate to fail at anything.
The weird thing is that I don't even have to really like a guy all that much, or see us together in the future, I just want him to want me and do all those things that guys do in Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movies. If this ever does actually happen one day I'll probably reject him, but I like to think I'll be able to appreciate this imaginary guy, not write him off as totally desperate. BUT, this is highly unlikely. All guys who approach me recently either want a one-night-stand or they're weird and creepy.
Example A: While leaving my friend's Redneck Wine Tasting Theme Party last Saturday, I was congratulating myself on not giving my phone number to anyone weird, not trying to take someone home, and not acting like too much of an ass in general, considering my copious consumption of Franzia.
Can I deviate from topic for a minute? What is with Franzia? I mean, I can usually drink like a bottle, bottle and a half of decent wine and be totally smashed. I can literally drink 5 drinking glasses full of Franzia and still be somewhat coherent. In college my roomates and I would kill a box of that stuff every 2 days, just for pregaming with! I don't know why we didn't just pony up and buy the good (i.e. mediocre stuff).
Ok back to it: I followed my roomate home, only a few houses down, and planned on a grilled cheese sandwich and an early bedtime.
So I'm out on my porch, smoking the last of too many cigarettes and talking on the phone, when two boys from the party show up to steal our pumpkin and smash it. Having two, I generously relented. When they came back for the second one, it was time for a brawl (we were in redneck mode, mind you). So roomate gets into a knock-down dragout with one of the boys until a dog-poop incident forces us all inside. For future reference, wrestling in a dark yard where a dog lives is never smart.
Either way, roomate doesn't last long and staggers off to bed still wearing her "Just a Good-Ol-Boy" hat. Left with two boys in the room, one with dog poop on his pants, I figure I can just chill for a few minutes and then go to bed and they will just boogie away down the street. Not that easy, apparently. Our friend with the attractive jean stain leaves, and I'm stuck with this weird guy who by the way I DID NOT TALK TO at the party. Now I get it, it's closing time and everybody wants somebody sometimes. But did I really come off as that slutty going home by myself? After an eternity of weirdness I tell guy I'm going to bed, to which I get a look with: "and me too, right?" written all over it.
WRONG. This is just all wrong. He asks for my number and at this point I'm just like: get out of my house!!! so I give it to him. Now keep in mind that I give my number out pretty frequently, with infrequent responses, sorta like a direct mail campaign. But go figure the one time I give it out without even hoping the guy will call he's like clockwork in 2 days.
No chemistry=he will call. And like any good hypocrite, I will not answer.
So my latest thing is reading those "Missed Connections" on Craigslist, and I think if I ever showed up on one I would go crazy and print it out and frame it. What a way to bring romance back to the internet, although most of the postings go a little like this:
"Saw you in line at the grocery store. You had on the acid wash jeans and pink sweater. You rock my world. I was the guy in the blue sweater with brown hair. I would drink your bathwater. "
Ok maybe that's not so romantic, but at least there's a little effort. Besides, "hey, I'm here at your house and you're drunk, isn't that good enough for you?" It's a step beyond the leering most of us ladies encounter on a daily basis. And most people don't even know about craigslist, but I'm still not giving up hope. Stranger things have happened.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Starting off Square
So I'm sure that I'm starting this blog much in the same way that all the veteran bloggers do, thus becoming unoriginal from the start. But...it may take me awhile to learn blogger etiquette and all the niceties of social networking on the internet.
I don't even have a myspace. And here's why: Why am I going to create an online profile so people who I wouldn't have kept up with anyway can find me and probably annoy me and make me wish I could get away from them like I did in real life? Now I realize many of you will argue with me and I may eventually have to give in and make a little page announcing all my quirks and featuring drunk photos of myself and my friends to the world, but for now I'm not giving in, dammit. (Can I curse on here?)
For those of you unaware of my name or title's referent, you need only look to Reality Bites, my favority movie ever for its all-star celebrity cast and clever zingers like:
"Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? Or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?"
This blog may be from time to time about any of the following:
Rants and raves on pop culture, politics, drunk drama, my love life(actually, this is pretty much guaranteed), and more. See, I told you this is starting off with an incredible amount of unoriginality!
And just for a little background, I work in a city that my roomate refers to as "The Orphan of the East Coast" for its blank refusal to be accepted by either the north or the south. I grew up here and moved back after college a year and a half ago for two reasons:
a.) I had delusions of playing house with my now-ex boyfriend
b.) I was too chicken to move anywhere where I didn't know people (ironically, after my boyfriend and I split I suddenly realized how few friends I actually had here and am now attempting to broaden my social horizons one drunken weekend at a time)
So this is a decent start, I hope. Please enlighten me with your tips on blogging so I don't make too much of a fool of myself.
I don't even have a myspace. And here's why: Why am I going to create an online profile so people who I wouldn't have kept up with anyway can find me and probably annoy me and make me wish I could get away from them like I did in real life? Now I realize many of you will argue with me and I may eventually have to give in and make a little page announcing all my quirks and featuring drunk photos of myself and my friends to the world, but for now I'm not giving in, dammit. (Can I curse on here?)
For those of you unaware of my name or title's referent, you need only look to Reality Bites, my favority movie ever for its all-star celebrity cast and clever zingers like:
"Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? Or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?"
This blog may be from time to time about any of the following:
Rants and raves on pop culture, politics, drunk drama, my love life(actually, this is pretty much guaranteed), and more. See, I told you this is starting off with an incredible amount of unoriginality!
And just for a little background, I work in a city that my roomate refers to as "The Orphan of the East Coast" for its blank refusal to be accepted by either the north or the south. I grew up here and moved back after college a year and a half ago for two reasons:
a.) I had delusions of playing house with my now-ex boyfriend
b.) I was too chicken to move anywhere where I didn't know people (ironically, after my boyfriend and I split I suddenly realized how few friends I actually had here and am now attempting to broaden my social horizons one drunken weekend at a time)
So this is a decent start, I hope. Please enlighten me with your tips on blogging so I don't make too much of a fool of myself.
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