Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Is e-mailing cheating?

I had met Dodgeball guy a couple of times out at the bar. Cute, scruffy, always checked me out but never really talked to me until last Thursday. I thought he was just shy, so I struck up a conversation while out with B. last week before her dodgeball game. He seemed interested, interesting, and had some potential, so i casually mentioned that I thought Dodgeball Boy was cute to B. in the bathroom:

Her: He has a girlfriend.

Me: That's cool, I just didn't know. Like a serious girlfriend? (I know, I am a total bitch)

Her: Yes, and she'll be here later.

Okkkkayyy then. Decided that was a bud that definitely needed nipping. Except that he kept coming up to me. I was introduced to the girlfriend, who was nice but suspicious (rightfully so I guess). Later, after he left, I was confronted by her in that "I'm trying to be a cool girl and act like I don't care and we're best friends as long as you don't fuck my man you stupid whore" kind of way. I appropriately responded:

"I would never do that, girlfriend! I just didn't know, and we're totally cool."

I thought that was the end of it. Not to be so.....

I had a message on Myspace the next day from him, apologizing for leaving without saying goodbye and saying that he had had fun talking to me, and asking if I would still give him a tour of where I work. I responded in a friendly but distant manner, replying that of course I would still give him a tour anytime and that I had to run. Except, I made one little teeny mistake: I gave him my phone number. Why I did this, I don't know. Maybe to say, "hey, i know you're with someone now, but if you ever aren't....." Or maybe just because I thought offering to give someone a tour and not giving them your contact info was rude and kinda fake. I don't know. Either way, that's not the message he got, I can assure you.

Of course, he called that night (I knew I should never pick up numbers I don't recognize, dammit!) I talked for awhile, and when he asked me to hang out, I definitely stopped things right there:

Me: What's up with you and your girlfriend? Are you breaking up or something?

Him: It's looking that way....we've been fighting a lot lately.

Me: Well if hanging out with me is something you wouldn't tell your girlfriend about, then I'm not really cool with that. I'm not that kind of person.

Him: So you're saying I can't really pursue anything until I'm done with that relationship?

Exactly, Einstein. So I thought that I had finally done the "I'm nice to flirt with , but not a homewrecker" thing. But here's the problem: the e-mails haven't stopped. He's been chatty, not coming on or anything, just friendly and conversational. But I can't help but feel like I'm doing something a little wrong. Does she know about this? Probably not. Am I flirting with him or just being friendly? Friendly, I think, but because she doesn't know is that by its very nature flirting?

And, is he just a nice guy who is lonely in his relationship and needs some friendship? OR, is he trying to keep someone (me) on the back burner until he decides that he doesn't want to be with his girlfriend anymore? I mean, he could be having cyber sex with someone in a chat room...is that more or less cheating than a few friendly e-mails with someone you know?

Je ne sais pas....but I have a feeling I'm in dangerous territory.

1 comment:

J said...

Sounds like he's trying to keep you on the back burner... in fact it sounds like he would have been willing to hook up with you regardless of the gf, if you hadn't stood up for yourself (and her). You should be very careful with this guy...