I'm not sure how I became such an idiot at dating. Probably it began with my first serious boyfriend, who after 6 months of heated, unrequited lust I finally had sex with, after which he left for the military. We exchanged love letters for months, but somehow my 16-year old self knew there was more out there than him.
Or not. My next boyfriend, a bit of a control freak, lasted through one semester of college. He was too insecure, and I needed to get out there and explore. Lo and behold, I didn't find that love of my life at a University where anyone could literally go out any day of the week and find a different sexual conquest. Being a little insecure myself, I eventually went back to the insecure boy, who in an ironic twist of fate was eager to sow his wild oats (while I cooked and cleaned and generally played Mommy). I believe this relationship has taught me to seek the company of sexually aggressive and emotionally unavailable men. Or something like that.
So now I'm on my own again. And if I thought dating was tricky in college, it's much harder in the "real world." For starters, where does one meet people? Most of my friends are coupled up, I don't work in a hip, cool place where I'd be likely to run into that Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike I'm searching for, and I refuse to attend church just to land a man (pretty sure God wouldn't like that too much). So I'm resigned to meeting single guys at the bar. I'm sure you can sense the potential problems with this particular strategy:
a.) I'm not myself, just some crazy drunk girl who tends to lose things
b.) They are not themselves, just horny drunk guys trying their best to get laid
We don't have a shot in hell.
Mostly I meet students from the local University, smart (or not so smart) artsy types who always play guitar and may or may not call. But I am dating one guy in particular who is driving me absolutely insane. And of course, it's all my fault because I let the extenuating circumstances from his life (baggage from a divorce, a busy life, a child) affect how I view his increasingly bad behavior.
The night before last I was stood up again for the second or third time by Biker Boy (motorcycle, not a bike bike). We were supposed to go to dinner according to our 2:30 plans. 6:30 rolls around, I'm hungry so I call and leave a message, 7:00 he calls back and delays because "he has to go get an X-mas tree for his son." Plans or not, how am I supposed to compete with that? He says give him an hour, my phone finally rings at 11:30. I may have turned into super bitch at this point, but who could blame me?
Accountability is very important to me. He called me yesterday, blew up my phone in fact. He was near my house and wanted to come over and pick me up and take me out and "have a talk." I was out though, and although his remorse sounded genuine when I called him this morning claiming to be free to talk tonight he has to pick up his son, of course. Maybe I'm just not good at sharing, but I feel like you should see someone you're dating more than once every three weeks, extenuating circumstances notwithstanding. Who knows? We'll see how our plans on Thursday work out, especially as I'm meeting a friend for martinis beforehand.
There is one kinda promising guy on the horizon though. Smart, student, independent, optimistic, sarcastic, funny, a little too sexually aggressive (how can I get him to ease up and be a little gentle??? because seriously I'm getting hickeys, and past the ninth grade that's a mark of trash), very cute. Doesn't seem like I can count on him for the long term because he is still in school and a very adventurous guy. I can see him going places for sure, but not with someone else hanging on. Although he has been remarkably attentive these last few days, so who knows?
It amazes me how hard it is to even find one guy who's good on paper to go out with, but again I think it's the bar scene. And also I think the "good" guys (good looking good job good family good personality) know they are few and far between, so they can go for girls far more beautiful than me and easily get them. Not that I'm unattractive, far from it, but I'm nowhere close to 100 girls I see everyday about town.
This post is too chaotic. I just pray I don't settle for someone. After all if I wanted to settle for mediocrity and rudeness I could have stayed and played house with my ex.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Boxed Wine and Missed Connections
It's always bad when you're blogging at work just to stay awake. This is only my second post and already I know enough to know that.
I like to think of myself as a cynic most of the time, although that doesn't stop me from doing very stupid things when it comes to dating and love, most of which involve desperately trying to hold onto something that doesn't make me remotely satisfied or happy. I think this is probably one of those Daddy complexes; or, it could just be because I hate to fail at anything.
The weird thing is that I don't even have to really like a guy all that much, or see us together in the future, I just want him to want me and do all those things that guys do in Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movies. If this ever does actually happen one day I'll probably reject him, but I like to think I'll be able to appreciate this imaginary guy, not write him off as totally desperate. BUT, this is highly unlikely. All guys who approach me recently either want a one-night-stand or they're weird and creepy.
Example A: While leaving my friend's Redneck Wine Tasting Theme Party last Saturday, I was congratulating myself on not giving my phone number to anyone weird, not trying to take someone home, and not acting like too much of an ass in general, considering my copious consumption of Franzia.
Can I deviate from topic for a minute? What is with Franzia? I mean, I can usually drink like a bottle, bottle and a half of decent wine and be totally smashed. I can literally drink 5 drinking glasses full of Franzia and still be somewhat coherent. In college my roomates and I would kill a box of that stuff every 2 days, just for pregaming with! I don't know why we didn't just pony up and buy the good (i.e. mediocre stuff).
Ok back to it: I followed my roomate home, only a few houses down, and planned on a grilled cheese sandwich and an early bedtime.
So I'm out on my porch, smoking the last of too many cigarettes and talking on the phone, when two boys from the party show up to steal our pumpkin and smash it. Having two, I generously relented. When they came back for the second one, it was time for a brawl (we were in redneck mode, mind you). So roomate gets into a knock-down dragout with one of the boys until a dog-poop incident forces us all inside. For future reference, wrestling in a dark yard where a dog lives is never smart.
Either way, roomate doesn't last long and staggers off to bed still wearing her "Just a Good-Ol-Boy" hat. Left with two boys in the room, one with dog poop on his pants, I figure I can just chill for a few minutes and then go to bed and they will just boogie away down the street. Not that easy, apparently. Our friend with the attractive jean stain leaves, and I'm stuck with this weird guy who by the way I DID NOT TALK TO at the party. Now I get it, it's closing time and everybody wants somebody sometimes. But did I really come off as that slutty going home by myself? After an eternity of weirdness I tell guy I'm going to bed, to which I get a look with: "and me too, right?" written all over it.
WRONG. This is just all wrong. He asks for my number and at this point I'm just like: get out of my house!!! so I give it to him. Now keep in mind that I give my number out pretty frequently, with infrequent responses, sorta like a direct mail campaign. But go figure the one time I give it out without even hoping the guy will call he's like clockwork in 2 days.
No chemistry=he will call. And like any good hypocrite, I will not answer.
So my latest thing is reading those "Missed Connections" on Craigslist, and I think if I ever showed up on one I would go crazy and print it out and frame it. What a way to bring romance back to the internet, although most of the postings go a little like this:
"Saw you in line at the grocery store. You had on the acid wash jeans and pink sweater. You rock my world. I was the guy in the blue sweater with brown hair. I would drink your bathwater. "
Ok maybe that's not so romantic, but at least there's a little effort. Besides, "hey, I'm here at your house and you're drunk, isn't that good enough for you?" It's a step beyond the leering most of us ladies encounter on a daily basis. And most people don't even know about craigslist, but I'm still not giving up hope. Stranger things have happened.
I like to think of myself as a cynic most of the time, although that doesn't stop me from doing very stupid things when it comes to dating and love, most of which involve desperately trying to hold onto something that doesn't make me remotely satisfied or happy. I think this is probably one of those Daddy complexes; or, it could just be because I hate to fail at anything.
The weird thing is that I don't even have to really like a guy all that much, or see us together in the future, I just want him to want me and do all those things that guys do in Reese Witherspoon or Meg Ryan movies. If this ever does actually happen one day I'll probably reject him, but I like to think I'll be able to appreciate this imaginary guy, not write him off as totally desperate. BUT, this is highly unlikely. All guys who approach me recently either want a one-night-stand or they're weird and creepy.
Example A: While leaving my friend's Redneck Wine Tasting Theme Party last Saturday, I was congratulating myself on not giving my phone number to anyone weird, not trying to take someone home, and not acting like too much of an ass in general, considering my copious consumption of Franzia.
Can I deviate from topic for a minute? What is with Franzia? I mean, I can usually drink like a bottle, bottle and a half of decent wine and be totally smashed. I can literally drink 5 drinking glasses full of Franzia and still be somewhat coherent. In college my roomates and I would kill a box of that stuff every 2 days, just for pregaming with! I don't know why we didn't just pony up and buy the good (i.e. mediocre stuff).
Ok back to it: I followed my roomate home, only a few houses down, and planned on a grilled cheese sandwich and an early bedtime.
So I'm out on my porch, smoking the last of too many cigarettes and talking on the phone, when two boys from the party show up to steal our pumpkin and smash it. Having two, I generously relented. When they came back for the second one, it was time for a brawl (we were in redneck mode, mind you). So roomate gets into a knock-down dragout with one of the boys until a dog-poop incident forces us all inside. For future reference, wrestling in a dark yard where a dog lives is never smart.
Either way, roomate doesn't last long and staggers off to bed still wearing her "Just a Good-Ol-Boy" hat. Left with two boys in the room, one with dog poop on his pants, I figure I can just chill for a few minutes and then go to bed and they will just boogie away down the street. Not that easy, apparently. Our friend with the attractive jean stain leaves, and I'm stuck with this weird guy who by the way I DID NOT TALK TO at the party. Now I get it, it's closing time and everybody wants somebody sometimes. But did I really come off as that slutty going home by myself? After an eternity of weirdness I tell guy I'm going to bed, to which I get a look with: "and me too, right?" written all over it.
WRONG. This is just all wrong. He asks for my number and at this point I'm just like: get out of my house!!! so I give it to him. Now keep in mind that I give my number out pretty frequently, with infrequent responses, sorta like a direct mail campaign. But go figure the one time I give it out without even hoping the guy will call he's like clockwork in 2 days.
No chemistry=he will call. And like any good hypocrite, I will not answer.
So my latest thing is reading those "Missed Connections" on Craigslist, and I think if I ever showed up on one I would go crazy and print it out and frame it. What a way to bring romance back to the internet, although most of the postings go a little like this:
"Saw you in line at the grocery store. You had on the acid wash jeans and pink sweater. You rock my world. I was the guy in the blue sweater with brown hair. I would drink your bathwater. "
Ok maybe that's not so romantic, but at least there's a little effort. Besides, "hey, I'm here at your house and you're drunk, isn't that good enough for you?" It's a step beyond the leering most of us ladies encounter on a daily basis. And most people don't even know about craigslist, but I'm still not giving up hope. Stranger things have happened.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Starting off Square
So I'm sure that I'm starting this blog much in the same way that all the veteran bloggers do, thus becoming unoriginal from the start. But...it may take me awhile to learn blogger etiquette and all the niceties of social networking on the internet.
I don't even have a myspace. And here's why: Why am I going to create an online profile so people who I wouldn't have kept up with anyway can find me and probably annoy me and make me wish I could get away from them like I did in real life? Now I realize many of you will argue with me and I may eventually have to give in and make a little page announcing all my quirks and featuring drunk photos of myself and my friends to the world, but for now I'm not giving in, dammit. (Can I curse on here?)
For those of you unaware of my name or title's referent, you need only look to Reality Bites, my favority movie ever for its all-star celebrity cast and clever zingers like:
"Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? Or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?"
This blog may be from time to time about any of the following:
Rants and raves on pop culture, politics, drunk drama, my love life(actually, this is pretty much guaranteed), and more. See, I told you this is starting off with an incredible amount of unoriginality!
And just for a little background, I work in a city that my roomate refers to as "The Orphan of the East Coast" for its blank refusal to be accepted by either the north or the south. I grew up here and moved back after college a year and a half ago for two reasons:
a.) I had delusions of playing house with my now-ex boyfriend
b.) I was too chicken to move anywhere where I didn't know people (ironically, after my boyfriend and I split I suddenly realized how few friends I actually had here and am now attempting to broaden my social horizons one drunken weekend at a time)
So this is a decent start, I hope. Please enlighten me with your tips on blogging so I don't make too much of a fool of myself.
I don't even have a myspace. And here's why: Why am I going to create an online profile so people who I wouldn't have kept up with anyway can find me and probably annoy me and make me wish I could get away from them like I did in real life? Now I realize many of you will argue with me and I may eventually have to give in and make a little page announcing all my quirks and featuring drunk photos of myself and my friends to the world, but for now I'm not giving in, dammit. (Can I curse on here?)
For those of you unaware of my name or title's referent, you need only look to Reality Bites, my favority movie ever for its all-star celebrity cast and clever zingers like:
"Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? Or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?"
This blog may be from time to time about any of the following:
Rants and raves on pop culture, politics, drunk drama, my love life(actually, this is pretty much guaranteed), and more. See, I told you this is starting off with an incredible amount of unoriginality!
And just for a little background, I work in a city that my roomate refers to as "The Orphan of the East Coast" for its blank refusal to be accepted by either the north or the south. I grew up here and moved back after college a year and a half ago for two reasons:
a.) I had delusions of playing house with my now-ex boyfriend
b.) I was too chicken to move anywhere where I didn't know people (ironically, after my boyfriend and I split I suddenly realized how few friends I actually had here and am now attempting to broaden my social horizons one drunken weekend at a time)
So this is a decent start, I hope. Please enlighten me with your tips on blogging so I don't make too much of a fool of myself.
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